Dissapointed

Well, I just talked to my Mom through the phone. It was clear enough that she is dissapointed in me. And so is my bro. I just realised that I was useless. I make them dissapointed! Very dissapointed! It began when I started my business here. I lend my mother's money as the capital. Now it's on its 2nd months. Of course the profits aren't too big yet, and unable to be seen. The second trouble is, when I lend my bro's money for a (holy sh*t) investment. I was being cheated on that scamming investment! Yes, I lost all my money there. Not only my money, but my bro's too. It was his savings for years! Can you imagine that?!


Since my dad passed away April this year, me and my bro have to make money on our own to make a living. It's hard, though. But we have to live it. My dad left us nothing but DEBTS!! I don't and never blame him for this. Because I realize he debted because of me, to pay my university fee and my living cost here (i live far separated from my family since in Uni). I supposed to feel sorry about it. I want to go to the past, but I can't. I want to turn back the time when I was in the High School age. But now, I have to live the way I choose and face the truth. I just need to be stronger and smarter.


The money left is only that I USED AS THE MAIN CAPITAL OF MY BUSINESS AND THAT GODDAMNED INVESTMENT!! Now, nothing's left. Everyday I'm thinking how to fulfill my needs and my bro's too. And yet I still have to pay my dad's debt! Fortunately, people see me as a rich girl because of my outter "style". I have a high-type smartphone, good dresses, good shoes, branded make-ups, "good" body shape, and good bags. You know what? Those are definitely GIFTS from GOD that given through human beings. Lucky me, huh? I am.


Now, what should I do? Give up already? Nah, it's not me. I have to fight until I finished my study in university, graduate, be a scholar, and make my dad (may God granted him with Jannah) and my mom proud of me. When I became a scholar one day, I'll continue my journey to fulfill my younger siblings' living needs. Maybe become an Au Pair in Europe (who knows?), or still in this path as an ladypreneur-in-process? Still have no idea yet. All I know is, here I am, going against the flow. I have to return my family's trust. And the money. No matter what. Debts are debts, still become debts until you dead!


For you; Mom, Bro, and Sis. I'll fight for your umpteen-times-trust to me! Take this as a PROMISE!

Love,

@listysoesilo